i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
