Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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