Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
