Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
