u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
