it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
