Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
