Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
