I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
