You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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