Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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