There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
as a side note pls kill me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
