Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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