Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i've created a new STD.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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