dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
