worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I forget how to act sober
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
