ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
