If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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