you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
