This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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