why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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