I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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