I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
