belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
