Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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