There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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