haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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