Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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