Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
