I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
