also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
