Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
