Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
