What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
