Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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