Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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