do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
