its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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