anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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