My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
