I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize