i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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