I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
