she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
