Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
