smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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