i don't like sucking hair
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
