apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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