I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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