Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
