Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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