4 words: hood of his car
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
