I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
