Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
