Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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