He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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