Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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