I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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