Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
