my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
