just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So squirting runs in the family.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
