I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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