I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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