I hate your face
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
