How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
