You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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