so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
