You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
smell my finger.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think my moral compass just broke
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