you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize