Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
