I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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