youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
