god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
