hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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